Cuban Coffee & a Coach: On saying what you DO want

Happy Monday, Kids!

It’s 12/12/2022…so many 2s in this spot on the calendar, right? For good measure, I’m publishing this here post at 12:00 noon. Cuz that’s how I roll. Do any Stargazers, Numerologists, or Sixth-Sensers know what these numbers mean? A coach would love to know.

On my mind today is an exchange I had not so long ago with a local bus driver. It was my first time on this particular line. But I did my research, purchased a ticket on a fancy app, like all the cool kids do, and thought I was all set as I climbed the steps and held up my phone, fancy app displayed with ticket information on my screen. I felt the need to make sure I was on the right bus, as the digital display on the bus window was unclear. The interchange with the driver went something like this:

Me: “Is this the 186?”
Driver: Nod.
Me: “Does it go all the way to New York?”
Driver: “What’s your stop?”
Me: “The New York side of the GWB.”
Driver: “That’s a Zone 1 ticket.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Driver: “That’s a Zone 1 ticket.”
Me: “Okay. What does that mean?”
Driver: “You need a Zone 2 ticket.”
Me: “Uh…”

And then I stopped talking. My own sense of being “in the way” took over because there were people behind me waiting to get on with their day. Instead of asking how I might fix the situation without paying more, I stepped into the bus, took a seat, and quickly purchased a new ticket.

After internally huffing and puffing about her lack of clarity and my own lack of understanding, I settled into the ride. At the next stop, I noticed that other folks had paid cash to get on the bus. Might I have resolved things by simply paying her the difference of the cost?

Not a big deal, I know. But the moment stayed with me. “We do this all the time,” I thought. It’s a microcosm of this pattern:

1. We tell each other what’s wrong, what we do NOT want.
2. We do not clarify what’s right, what we DO want.
3. When on the receiving end of someone’s unmet needs or expectations, we get flustered or defensive, and neglect to ask for clear, actionable steps we can take to do things differently.

If any of this resonates, friends, a challenge for you as you move through this week…

As you speak to yourself and to others:

• Be aware of what you DO want.
• Be prepared to verbalize it, especially in moments when you’ve spoken what you DON’T want, and
• If someone’s unmet need confuses you, pause, inhale, and ask them for clarity.

Then lather, rinse, and repeat.

S