The in-between: How my work struggles inspired my coaching

As I step into this new Monday with all of you…

A few more thoughts on my previous post, Your manager and you: The performance review, why I mentioned toxic leaders, and how those experiences have partly inspired my coaching career.

I once worked for a company whose president purposely arrived roughly 10 minutes late to every team meeting because he expected his staff to rise from their seats when he entered a conference room. My first experience of this man was an early-morning fly-by on his way to his office, during which he stopped abruptly just a few feet away from my desk to publicly berate a coworker who had crossed his path and not said hello. I almost ran out the door on the spot, but I was there for three years.

At another firm, I gave my best work under a leader who never once acknowledged a job well done, despite the endless hours, successes, high visibility, consistent communication, and actual passion for the job. Reviews were always a surprise, the disappointment always at the ready over things like the single meeting I had not attended, or the crisis I’d handled calmly and therefore, without a perceived sense of urgency. When asking for a clearer path to a promotion, I’d be told that there was no room for it, only to later train the new team member who’d been hired at a higher grade level. I dreaded every single one-on-one, but I was there for seven years.

There are other examples, other colleagues who suffered the same daily struggles with the same leaders, other leaders who made my work life and the work life of the people around me a struggle. I have worked with clients in similar, if not worse situations, and coached them to the best of my abilities.

Opinions abound.

“You should leave.”

“You should speak up.”

“You should find another job.”

I have said these words to friends in the distant past, but I recognize their futility. I understand that walking away from your livelihood is simply not possible for many. For many, the repercussions of speaking up are significant. For many, the next gig does not readily appear.

So I don’t offer opinions. I offer the thing that has actually helped me: coaching. Because, folks, for some, there is an in-between, a span of time in between the knowing (that things are irreparably bad) and the walking away. During my most difficult in-betweens, my own coaches have helped me access all my hidden strengths and unnamed values, all of which has paved the way to my next steps. They’ve helped me find my voice and express it in ways I never thought possible, ways I thought didn’t even need help. In short, they’ve helped me see myself more clearly, which is no small thing, especially when the view from the outside has distorted the reflection.

If any of this resonates, if your leadership doesn’t acknowledge or value your work, if you’re struggling in small or big ways to make it through a workday, yeah, if you feel ready and empowered, you should leave. You should speak up. You should get another job. But if you don’t feel ready or empowered, if there’s an in-between you have to figure out, if you have access to a coach, give us a shot. We’re out here waiting for you, without judgement or opinion, to help you see yourself more clearly.