Your manager and you: The performance review

And just like that, it’s Monday.

I only just discovered the work of NYT best selling author and organizational psychologist Adam Grant. He recently posted these words to his LinkedIn feed:

“If you’re surprised by the feedback you get at a performance review, your boss has failed you. Good managers don’t wait for formal meetings to help you grow. They make it a daily priority. The sooner you get feedback, the sooner you can break bad habits and learn better ones.”

Adam Grant

My first thought was, “He ain’t lyin’!” And of course, while many agreed, some felt that the onus of communicating formal feedback is equally on the employee. In other words, in some minds, we should all be asking for feedback from our leaders regularly, not just waiting for the magic moment to arrive. I don’t disagree with that. But…

Managers are responsible for providing you with feedback regularly. It’s part of the gig. What’s more, by virtue of their role and position in the larger scheme of things, people in leadership positions have a clearer view of that larger scheme. Of course, we can all step up to the communication plate and ask for feedback on how things are going, but what of the manager who doesn’t communicate clearly? Who says you’re fine but doesn’t define “great” or, even worse, says just the opposite during that critical conversation? What of the manager who doesn’t say where you’ve gone astray before weeks, months, a full year has passed?

The problem is out there.

I’ve been in the workforce for decades and I’ve been managed by all kinds, from the deeply inspiring to the downright toxic and everything in between. I’ve made countless decisions about my work life in response to these situations. The consequences of poor or mixed communication are immeasurable. In other words, this topic is enormous. How well you and your manager understand each other impacts everything from your daily mood to your livelihood, your motivation, and your future.

It’s daunting that the success of these factors often hinges on one person’s perception and one yearly conversation. And it can be disheartening, to say the least, when that one person does not see you clearly or communicate consistently or meaningfully.

So yes. The surprise review? The hard ball from a blind spot in the middle of a huge playing field that is a full year’s work? If you’ve gotten hit by one of those, you know what I mean when I say that my teeth are still loose from one memorable doozie. After recovering from the shock of it, though, I put something in motion that has served me well: The Handy Communication Plan.

Because over the years, I have learned a number of basic truths. For one, managers are people. They are flawed like you, pressured like you, driven by their own angels and demons like you. I’ve also learned that as regular people, they are sometimes impossible to figure out. And what’s more, most attempts to figure out someone else from your own limited experience of them are not only futile, they’re often incorrect. The approach is unhealthy. We all have to try and understand the boss. And we all have to make adjustments. But you should not need to twist yourself into Cirque du Soleil poses as you guess at the favorable place in someone else’s mind.

So what to do about bad or poor communication? Make it happen. The solution to knowing what your boss thinks about your habits, your performance, your standing, before that big review conversation? Ask. And ask rhymically and melodiously.

In other words, create a plan for consistent, structured, clarifying conversation with your manager about your work, your progress, and your place in the grander scheme.

A suggested outline:

• Get on your boss’ calendar for 30 minutes at least every two weeks. (It doesn’t take longer than that, I promise.)
• During those regular, biweekly one-on-ones, talk about the most immediate updates, like:
  • Progress on assignments.
  • Questions that weren’t answered during or since the last conversation.
  • Your current capacity for more or less work.
  • Feedback.
• During quarterly one-on-ones, talk about the bigger picture, like:
  • Overall progress toward work or career goals.
  • Progress toward your contributions to the team’s overall goals.
  • Feedback.
• In all conversations, being mindful of:
  • Leaving room for questions for your manager and from your manager.
  • Asking for clarity on any feedback that’s not tangible, does not resonate, or is confusing.
  • Being prepared to walk away sometimes with unanswered questions. (These can be tabled or, in days ahead, answers may arrive.)
  • Taking and keeping notes, preferably on a shared site.

Generally speaking, a consistent, planned, mindful series of conversations with your manager is very well-received. Even when your relationship is solid, a thoughtful leader will appreciate your effort and all the clarity that an agenda brings to a conversation in a busy day. In shakier relationships, a communication plan gives you what you’re not getting from the outside: grounding and direction. It may not change the status quo in visible ways, but the practice of stepping up and into your voice will not only hone a critical skill, it’ll pave the way to other, healthier opportunities.

There is more. Infinitely more. But I think that’s enough for this fine Monday.

Make it happen, kids.