monday. the start of a workday for most. and i have been among the leagues who don’t face mondays happily.
some mondays have been easier than others. there was a stint for a few years with a miserable coworker that gave me a run for my money. but also, it taught me an invaluable lesson on the power of instant and clear communication. and so it must be paid forward.
this team member and i sat within inches of each other in face-to-face cubicles for four years. during most of those long days, i struggled against her constant drumbeat of anger and disappointment. she was never silent about it. for eight to ten hours a day, it was the last “idiot” who just called, the “moron” business partner who didn’t understand, the “bitch” colleague who probably “needed to get laid.” even on light days, her humor was brutal, sarcastic, always at someone else’s expense. and of course, sometimes i was the direct target.
it took energy to listen. energy to talk her down. energy to commiserate. energy to ignore her. i went home every day exhausted, furious, resentful. it was easy to tell myself that her problems were not my problems. but if emotions are physical things that can overflow their vessel, i was taking on her excess. and i didn’t know how to shut the lid.
one glorious day, though, she slipped up. she gave our boss – beloved, well-respected, and shielded from the worst of it – a snotty answer during a morning team huddle. it was spectacular. you could hear the breeze of the collective’s eyebrows shooting WAY up in our foreheads. she finally crossed the wrong line.
what happened next?
my boss kept the meeting going. barely a flinch. not two minutes after it was over, she came over to misery’s desk and said, “i need to talk to you for a second.” without further ado, they walked away and into the nearest conference room. no more than five minutes later, they came back out and continued to work.
no dodging. no ducking. no simmering. no questioning of meaning or motive. boundary drawn. calmly. clearly.
MAGIC.
a few weeks later, when misery came for me again, i did the same. it was not easy. but it was simple. within moments of the infraction, i told her i needed to talk to her in private. i did not dodge, duck, or simmer. and when i was alone with her, i did not question her meaning or motive, and did not offer mine. i drew the boundary. calmly. clearly. maybe – in exactly this way – for the first time ever. and when i was certain that i was heard, i walked away.
as colleagues and coworkers, we are tethered to each other for hours at a time. when one has no boundaries, how can we draw our own?
Light of Day Coaching LLC 